Wednesday, August 26, 2015

how we wore it // in which Husband gets artsy with the sunsets

So I don't know if you remember the last time I participated in the How We Wore It collaboration, but it was so much fun I wanted to do it again!

If you don't remember it, let me clue you in. Brooke from Silver Lining gives us all a base photo. We look at the photo and figure out how to mimic the outfits using articles of clothing that we already own. Pretty basic, right?

Except I'm kind of fashion-missing (and also recently read "The Uglies" series, so can't stop talking like the characters in that book), so this collaboration is a bit of a challenge for me. But with the help of my fabulous husband, I think I came up with something pretty good!

So this is the base photo:

Great, right? Except I have nothing like that. I don't own any hats, shorts, or heels, let alone anything with fringe on it. So I had to get a little creative. I decided to do something with a similar vibe.

So... no hat, but I thought I'd add in a little hair accessory to make up for it. And I'm once again rocking my favorite new flats because I really do only own 6 pairs of shoes (half of which are just flip flops).

The lace overlay shirt was given to me by my friend Mary, who always has great clothes and likes to give me her leftovers. I love this one!

As I've stated before, no outfit is complete without jewelry. :)

And then Husband really wanted to get some artsy sunset-behind-me photos. Since he was such a good sport about following me around to take my picture, I let him. I think they turned out pretty good!

And that's how I wore it! Check out the other lovely bloggers who participated!

Brooke at Silver Lining
Deidre at Deidre Emme
Jana at Bouvardian
Alexa at He and I
Aubrey at Aubrey Zaruba
Brooklyn at A Little Too Jolley
Ashley at Absolutely Ashley
Danica at Danakin Skywalker
Rachel at Rachel Sayumi
Sharlee at My New Lines
Emma at Ever Emma
Kyla at FordOlogy
Kalyn at Geez Louise
Tayler at The Morrell Tale
Bonnie at Life of Bon

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

my boys

These two boys are my entire life.

One loves pickles and pizza, the other loves scrambled eggs and watermelon chunks. One drinks Mountain Dew and the other drinks breastmilk. One sleeps through the night, and the other... well, we're working on it.

I love these two boys. I wouldn't trade the life I have with the two of them for anything in the world.

I met one on a big group date back in 2011. He was with his girlfriend, I was with his best friend. I thought he was hilarious.

The other one I met in an OR in 2014. He was soft and puffy and wide-eyed. I was in an exhausted, happy fog. He recognized the sound of my voice and it made me cry.

With one I love to snuggle up and watch Netflix shows for hours (our current favorites are Food Network Star and Gilmore Girls). We love to go for long drives and eat Thai and Indian food together.

With the other, I snuggle up in the rocking chair to nurse five or six times a day. We love to go for long stroller walks and mash up bananas together at lunchtime.

One is the love of my life. We laugh, we cry, we hold to each other during the hard times and tease each other mercilessly during the good times. He thought I was gorgeous even the day after my c-section. When my belly was huge and doughy and painful and my body was swollen with medication and fluids. When I was so exhausted I could barely move and in so much pain I needed his help to stand. He told me so. He told me, "You're the most beautiful mother in the world." And I loved him even more.

The other is the joy of my life. We giggle and explore the world together. We play with toys and smack windows and drool all over everything (well... he does at least...). And he thinks I'm the best mommy in the world. He chortles and squirms with joy when he sees me. He clings to my shirt and grabs onto my hands with his little fists and laughs at all of my funny faces. He's the only one who has ever grown inside of me, the only one who has heard my heart beat from within. He knew my voice and my smell from the moment he was born, and he changed me completely with his entrance into this world.

These are my two boys. They are my everything. They are my forever.

Monday, August 3, 2015

that first moment

I was so scared. The fear was tangible, like a thick tar running through my veins. My fingertips tingled as tiny tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes.

I stared up at the surgical lights ahead and tried not to think about what was going to happen on the other side of that blue paper curtain just under my chin. The lights were bright and reminded me of the dentist. But bigger. And scarier. Because somebody was going to cut open my abdomen today.

The tears trickled down into my hair and ears. My head was foggy. Whether the fog was from the fear, from the long hours of fruitless pushing, or from whatever was pumping in through my IV, I couldn't tell.

My husband stood by my head and held my left hand. He was so quiet.

I wanted to ask him if he was scared, too. Did the fear feel like he was bleeding inside too?

But I couldn't quite figure out how to make the words. My mouth tasted like cotton.

And then it began. A slight sting at the bottom of my swollen belly.

"Ow," I moaned weakly.

"You can feel it?" my husband asked, bending down so his cheek was inches from mine.

"Yeah," I whispered.

But then the sensation faded and all that was left was a numb tugging.

"Okay," my doctor said. "You're going to feel some really intense pulling. It's going to be all right."

Then the strangest sensation--a feeling I'd never felt before. Like my insides were coming out, but painlessly.

And then I heard the little cry. It was small and quiet and wet-sounding. One single little wail.

I blinked up at the surgical lights. "Whose baby is that?" I asked through the fog. "Is that our baby?"

"Yes," my husband laughed. "That's our baby!"

He let go of my hand and walked over to where the baby was. I heard wet suctioning noises and happy chatter from the nurses and doctors and my midwife. "Let's get that boy on a scale! He's big!"

But it took a long time for the baby to cry again. The suctioning noises continued.

"Where is he?" I asked.

My husband came back to my side for a moment. "He's just over there. He's got mucus in his lungs. He'll be okay. Don't worry." He was so calm. So I tried to be calm, too.

And then all at once, that baby started wailing just like a newborn should. The sweet, sad, irresistible sound of brand new life.

I craned my head around to see my new son where they put him on a scale. 8 lbs 15 oz. Not too big, but definitely not small.

Seconds later, he was all wrapped up and the nurse was unstrapping my left arm so I could hold my sweet boy for the first time. I pressed my cheek against his warm, soft one.

"Hello, baby," I was saying. "Hello! I love you so much! You're so handsome, sweet boy..."

He licked his lips and his eyes looked all around for me. He was so precious. So tiny. So perfect.

The fear was gone, replaced entirely by ecstasy and joy and a love so intense I felt like I might burst.

This was the moment. The moment they all talk about. I was somebody's mommy now.

Read my full birth story here.