Monday, May 18, 2015

7 random mom skills you'll pick up when you have a newborn

There are a lot of new skills you pick up in the months directly following the birth of your baby. You know, like how to change a diaper, how to hold your baby so their head doesn't fall off, and how to tell if your baby is hungry. And there's no how-to manual, so it's really a crash course in learning while on the fly. However, there are a few skills I've picked up since becoming a mama six months ago that I am particularly proud of, and once your baby is born, I'm sure you'll be proud of them too.


the sightless swaddle
This one makes me feel like a mama-master! You know you're truly a pro when you come from a bright room into the pitch darkness of the nursery and successfully super-swaddle your baby before your eyes adjust. It doesn't get much more legit than that, mamas.

the wiggle wipe
Sometimes those little babies do NOT hold still, and it becomes a true athletic feat to wipe the poop off their bums before they wriggle out of your grasp. Extra points if you can change a baby who just learned how to roll over--and platinum goes to the moms of crawling babies!

the houdini handle
You know you're a virtuoso when you can successfully remove a poop-splosioned onesie from a writhing baby without getting the poop all over said baby's face. Seriously. High-five yourself, because you have my respect.

the silent stepper
Crap. You left your phone in the baby's room, and he's finally sound asleep! Not to worry... if you've got the silent stepper move down, you can get in and out of there without making a peep. You've mastered the art of opening squeaky doors, waltzing across creaky floors, and sneaking past the crib--all completely soundlessly. You deserve a medal of honor.

the nursing ninja
You are my hero if you've become one of these, because I still haven't figured out how you all do it. Nursing ninjas have the uncanny ability to nurse their babies while doing other things. Like walking. Or cooking. Or standing in line at the grocery store. Or, you know, doing anything other than sitting in the rocking chair with the baby propped up on a boppy pillow. Teach me your ways, ninja mamas.

the peaceful pumper
You've managed to sit up, put together the breast pump, attach it to your breasts, turn it on, pump a full bottle, store the milk, and clean the parts--all while still completely asleep at 3am. Sleepwalkers ain't got nothing on you, mom.

the loaded lifter
Once you become a mama, you get buff. Not even the world's greatest body builder can carry as many baby items as you can at once. You've got the diaper bag, extra blankets, car seat with baby in tow, your purse, AND a week's worth of groceries in your arms all at the same time. Plus, you can even unlock the front door without dropping anything!

I'm telling you, moms are the most multi-talented people I know. And don't get me started on those toddler moms...

Can you relate to some of these? What super-sexy skills have you acquired since becoming a mom?

1 comment:

  1. lololol! haha i laughed at especially the peaceful pumper. i don't really pump (only after my babies were first born and my milk was insane) but i swear i am asleep like all night. declan usually comes in bed with us but some nights (more and more) he starts in his bassinet and somehow i get him in the middle of the night and yet i have zero recollection of this. i wake up in the morning and i literally ask, "how did you get in here?" dalin doesn't know either, and he should because i would have to crawl over him.
    and you made me feel good about the nursing ninja one! i think it comes down to having the right wrap or carrier in part (at least out in public), experience, and having a good latcher. i am like a million times better at nursing declan than i was tenley, so you'll probably be a pro by your next kid!
    anyway, i liked this. a lot.

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